Sex, Celibacy, and Abstinence

do-not-enter-signGrowing up, the word ‘sex’ was treated like Lord Voldemort (not to be named). Most parents did not educate their children about it. It was more or less an abomination to speak the word.

Young children were being molested (mostly by family, friends and family friends) but because it is an ‘abomination’ to speak the word, most were not educated enough to know what was happening to them. Even those who knew what was happening to them were afraid to speak up as there was a higher chance that they would be flogged for speaking up or asked questions like, “Are you sure?”, “How do you know?” or even “What do you know?” As they say, “Ki l’omode mo?” (Meaning: What does a child know?).

Sex used to be an act unmarried people were ashamed to admit they were engaging in, adultery was very much frowned at. These days, however, sex is being abused. People now boldly admit to having married boyfriends or girlfriends. Fornication and Adultery is being justified and celebrated. Some teenagers are even more experienced than married adults. We have peer pressure and the internet to blame partly for that but it is still up to parents as they have been tasked to “train up a child in the way he/she should grow…”

We know that our parents were not saints when they were younger but our generation has abused sex. On social media, fornication and adultery have been made to seem normal while staying away from sex has been made to seem abnormal, like a lie (some even say it is impossible). When a person says he or she is a virgin or celibate, negative comments follow. They get judged, people start to insinuate things about people they do not even know. This is nothing short of sad.

Fornication and Adultery will always be a sin, no matter how we try to justify it. The truth is, no matter how negative the world is now, there are still good people, virgins, people who have fallen but asked for forgiveness and decided to stay celibate till marriage. Nobody has a right to judge these people. Heaven rejoices over just one sinner who repents and turns a new leaf.

My point is, deciding to abstain from sex till marriage is totally normal and there is nothing wrong about making the decision. You are not a weirdo.

People give excuses that they need to test drive, “What if the man cannot function”, “What if he is a 1-minute noodle”, “If I do not, someone else will.” (Guess what? You need a self esteem booster), etc. These are just excuses, the lies we tell ourselves. Pastor Paul has something to say about excuses;

“Excuses are tools of the incompetent, monuments of nothingness. Those that use it (excuses) are unwise and rarely succeed in life.”

There is something about learning the act of sex with your husband/wife, which is why marriage is long term. It makes it even more fun when, after many years, you both have improved, you look back at those days and laugh about it. This would require a lot of patience and hard work, which would pay off in the long run and although shortcuts seem attractive, they produce little character and patience.


It is okay if you know the truth but you decide to choose otherwise. GOD gave us free will. However, for those who decide to do the right thing, it is not okay to insult or judge them. They have made a decision you did not make. Please respect it and move on. Do not hurt others because you are hurting. (“Hurting people hurt people.” “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”)

I am sorry I have been AWOL. I will write about it in my next post.


About 'Joyin

‘Joyin is an experienced Professional Accountant. She loves her career as an accountant and hopes to improve the accounting profession with values such as Integrity and Objectivity. She trained as a professional make up artist at House of Tara, International. 'Joyin is also a wife to a fantastic man. This blog is a lifestyle blog which features Life Stories, Fictional stories, articles about make up and other topics that are of interest. Contributions from other writers and bloggers are welcome, as well. If you would like to contribute to this cause by sharing some useful articles, advice and tips, please mail mojoyin[at]arewa-ng[dot]com ‘Joyin looks forward to reading from you.

3 thoughts on “Sex, Celibacy, and Abstinence

  1. I’m glad u put up this post. It’s just weird how sex outside marriage is seen as normal. I’m scared we would soon have a world without Virgins, where 16 year olds are talking of having 5 abortions. I truly get scared. Thanks for your post.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll To Top