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Attraction…Emotional!

Credit: Google
Credit: Google

Dear Readers,

Here’s the conclusion of the last post. If you have not read it, you can do so here.

Emotional attraction can be subtle or sudden, one minute you are just friends, the next minute you have taken the quantum leap of love. Her smile, his laugh, how she holds your hands, those words of encouragement…the little things that add up slowly and create loving feelings. The slow yet steady buildup of an emotional attraction, the feeling that you can give your all for him or her. Read more

Abuse- Emotional and Psychological

Credit: Google
Credit: Google

In the last two articles, physical abuse was discussed. If you have not read them, you can do so here- abuse and abuse-2. Today, I will be touching on Psychological/emotional abuse.

Unlike Physical abuse, Emotional/Psychological abuse, may be harder to discern. Most people are not even aware that they are being abused. Emotional/psychological abuse occurs when a person preys on another person’s emotions by manipulating or using demeaning words on the other person, making them feel useless, worthless and capable of developing a feeling of low self-esteem. Read more

ABUSE…2

Credit: Google

Credit: Google

Most women do not stay in abusive relationships because they like being abused. It is, also, not true that only weak, helpless women are caught up in abusive relationships.  Many of the women who are involved in abusive relationships are strong, capable women, but over time have been weakened by domestic abuse. There are several reasons why a physically abused person will choose to remain in their relationships/marriage; Read more

ABUSE

 

Credit: Google
Credit: Google

Ope has never been physically abusive with Seun, but he constantly puts her down, especially in front of their friends. He tells her she is fat and needs to lose weight. He constantly compares her with her female friends. Is this abuse?

Yes, this is abuse. To abuse is to treat a person or animal with cruelty or violence, repeatedly or regularly. Read more

Loveless Home!

Loveless HomeMy name is Pauline and I am a twin. My twin sister, whom I am older than by 17 minutes, is Paula. She is considered the last born. We are not identical at all, she is much prettier than me. I was born with club foot which makes me even less attractive.

Growing up, I had the worst experience as I was constantly laughed at and my twin did not make matters any better for me. I always felt alone. I still feel alone.

Sadly, the woman we call “mother” does not love me, she constantly puts me down and compares me to my sister, from looks to grades to behavior and every aspect you can think of. She tells me that I am a failure. Everything that my twin wants she gets, this is not the same for me.

Many times I feel like committing suicide, I regret the day I was born. I feel like a failure, I have no one, no friends or family. Please don’t reject me too. Please tell me what you think I should do. Now, I understand that arrangements are made for my twin to further her education abroad. Shouldn’t it be the both of us? Is it my fault that I was born with a deformity? Can’t I just be loved, can’t I be accepted? All this hate has made me a very sad person and I am worried I may hurt myself soon. Please, help me.

RESPONSE:

Dear Pauline,

I would like you to take one minute to absolutely appreciate yourself. EVERY WOMAN IS BEAUTIFUL, you may not have the looks or body structure of your twin sister, a super model or the average video vixen, but you MUST always love yourself unreservedly because you are a queen.

Although one’s environment, especially the immediate, plays a major role in shaping and building a person’s self-esteem, it usually starts from within, from you. From the tone of your message I can tell that you are fed up of the situation and I know it is time to effect a change. You have to start with yourself, purge your mind off every negative word and fill it with positive words. Constantly tell yourself, “I am beautiful.”, “I am intelligent.”, etc. Even if you do not believe it now, you would. You will not only believe it, you will be it.

You didn’t tell me your age but I’ll assume you are in your early twenties. You are young and have a wonderful life ahead of you. This is the time for you to build a strong and resilient woman who can never ever be talked down by anyone.  First, stop all forms of comparison. You may be a twin but you are not the same person. Your strong points are not her strong points. Focus on what makes you Pauline and harness it. You were born for a reason which you have to discover and achieve, so please do not regret being you. Tell your mother how her condemnations make you feel, it is possible she doesn’t think them through. If she does not listen to you, still focus on you. Put all the sad energy into achieving goals. When those who put you down see you succeeding, they will be humbled.

Your world should not be determined by what others think of you, even though support goes a long way, what a person becomes is entirely up to them. Unfortunately you have been surrounded by the wrong kind of vibe for a very long time. Make a decision today to live above spiteful comments. Read inspirational books to build your esteem and rid you of all forms of inferiority complex.

Sweetheart, life is too short to let insecurities take the best of us and turn us into sadists. In the end what we have is our souls, we should guard it jealously to keep it good and beautiful. You are beautiful in every single way no matter what you have heard. Let NO ONE bring you down anymore.

Cheers! 🙂

OLLA OFFIA

Image: Google

Sex, Celibacy, and Abstinence

do-not-enter-signGrowing up, the word ‘sex’ was treated like Lord Voldemort (not to be named). Most parents did not educate their children about it. It was more or less an abomination to speak the word.

Young children were being molested (mostly by family, friends and family friends) but because it is an ‘abomination’ to speak the word, most were not educated enough to know what was happening to them. Even those who knew what was happening to them were afraid to speak up as there was a higher chance that they would be flogged for speaking up or asked questions like, “Are you sure?”, “How do you know?” or even “What do you know?” As they say, “Ki l’omode mo?” (Meaning: What does a child know?). Read more

Insecurities in Relationships/Marriage

Insecurities
Hello Everyone,

It’s been a long break but guess what? I’m back.

Today’s topic is about insecurities in relationships.

I believe that insecurities happen as a result of a lack of trust. It may be from past experience or from your current partner’s actions.

Trust, just like Love and Forgiveness, is everything in a relationship. Once it’s gone, you both become miserable. Read more

Warning Signs – Irritation

Hello People,

I hope you had a beautiful week.

I want to bring to your attention a very unusual warning sign that creeps up in relationships; Irritation. Irritation is a good indicator of trouble because it is almost impossible to hide or fake, so the moment it rears its ugly head you know there are issues to tackle. Read more

Warning Signs – Memory Loss and Forgetfulness

Hello Readers,

I hope your week has been less stressful and fantastic despite the traffic everywhere in Lagos, poor light situation and ‘artificial fuel scarcity’. *big sigh*

Today, on our series, “Warning Signs”, I bring you a new topic- Memory Loss and Forgetfulness.

Memory Loss and Forgetfulness are not things to be joked with as they may indicate possible symptoms of serious medical issues. In relationships, however, memory loss and forgetfulness are more likely to be warning signs of your partner losing interest, which in its own right is a serious issue.

Read more

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